No brain, no pain

Some minor injuries over the last 2 decades. Just for my own reference.

Primary school

1993. Broken toe. Ran through the hostel corridors in Clanwilliam and my little toe decided to hook on to the door frame. Now it looks like I ran over it with the lawn mower.

High school

1996. Broken thumb. First day in Paul Roos, initiation. We had to crawl around like sheep and then Flabby fell onto my hand.

1997. Broken nose. Happened during a rugby game in Std. 7 on Markötter.

1998. Torn ligaments. Left ankle. Played at Boishaai and there was no support when I came down after taking the line-out ball.

1999. Broken nose. 2nd time. I admit, this was partly my mistake. Because I decided to drink whatever Jaco served in the see-through console glass. And then proceeded to headbutt the fridge at Frederik’s house.

2000. Torn ligaments. Left elbow. Philip came into the ruck and my elbow bent over like a flamingo. Goodbye Asian tour.

Varsity

2001. Broken nose. For the 3rd time. And dislocated fingers. During 1st year varisty rugby at Stellenbosch. Go Libertas.

2002. Broken toe. The biggest one this time. We were playing inebriated soccer at Koelbaai and I kicked a seemingly invisible rock. Then Robert unintentionally but promptly stepped on it the next day.

2002. Burst sinus. This is an interesting one. I was cycling at Coetzenburg, on the flats by the cricket fields, pedalling while standing and trying to shift into a higher gear on the front ring — when the chain decided to go over the big ring and into nomansland — so when I pushed down my right leg again there was absolutely no resistance. I came down in spectacular fashion. Luckily this was before GoPro’s were around. I sat in a cloud of dust and felt my nose was dripping non-stop. No blood, just funny yellow stuff, for what felt like minutes on end. Luckily it was only a burst sinus. I started wearing I helmet after this.

2003. Torn ligaments. Left ankle, for 2nd time. Henk & Dirk & myself were hiking the Tsitsikamma trail. After a few days, Henk broke mad, and started running down the mountain, over the big round rocks, for no apparent reason. So I chased him. We were flying. And then I slipped, inevitably. I finished the hike by doing the Madiba shuffle on my bloated Eisbein for the last day.

Started working

2006. Right thyroid lobectomy. Jaco asked me during a Parlotones concert in Hatfield, ‘why does it look like you swallowed a golf ball?’. I thought he’d had too many beers, but back home that night I saw what he was on about. Promptly visited the Little Company of Mary Hospital the next day, did the scans and heard it was time for the operation. Luckily the growth was non-malignant.

2008. Torn ligament. Left ankle. 3rd time, FFS. We were standing around playing with a rugby ball at camp, the day after the Magalies Monster MTB event and I just lost my footing. Ankle gave way and I heard that familiar sound, like paper being torn. Soft dismissal. And later, at the hospital in Alberton, I almost flipped my wheelchair when trying to pull away too quickly. No launch control.

2010. Broken ribs. Left side. I fell off my MTB during a race. So the worst thing I could do was to laugh. But I sat next to Kevin Barlow-Jones at the office, which meant I laughed all day. Funny, but painful.

2011. Ligaments. Again. Only stretched this time. But I was told in no uncertain terms that if it happens again then it is time for an operation. Weak left ankle, it’s done itself in 4 times already. This happened on day 1 of our Outeniqua hike, just a few kms after the start. Stepped over a log, into a hole that was covered with leaves and such; and heard that familiar sound again. Not the ideal way to start a December holiday. Luckily I still had my moon boot.

Thirtysomething

2013. Broken hand. Right palm. We were doing a top speed run during my 2nd Transbaviaans MTB race. I didn’t hear our team shouting to slack off, and as predicted, didn’t make the turn. Came off the bike and stuck to the ground like velcro. Broken hand, cracked frame, red bum. Luckily I had some myprodols and soon I was singing again. We ended up beating our previous years time by 1 minute. I only found out my hand was broken more than a week later and the leg still oozed for days afterwards. Less fun.

I hope to keep the rest of the page blank for a while.

Image credit https://hypnosisdenvercolorado.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/homer-brain.jpg

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